It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
