Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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