he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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