so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
