I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
BRING THE BAGELS
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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