Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
