Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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