Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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