Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
