so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
