I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
