i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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