Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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