like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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