dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize
