I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
