you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
