I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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