So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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