The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
