there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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