hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
