Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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