I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
