come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
