I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
North Korea, Best Korea!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
