I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
