I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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