Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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