I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
