I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
