When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
