I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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