I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
