Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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