Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
