I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
