Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
