he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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