what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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