I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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