I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
