its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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