Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
