You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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