But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
