Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
