Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
