He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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