Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
