i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
