I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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