hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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