Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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