Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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