I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
