i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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