oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
