Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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