i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
babies were throwing up all over the place
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
