your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
