Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
