plz talk dirty to me
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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