Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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